Before you proceed through customs you will be subjected to an information presentation to help acclimatize you to this country of OURS.
This is the mother of all parliaments. We have sent our system of government all around the world in the hope that others will benefit from our vast experience. It's not perfect but it is better than the government you have just left. Learn to love it.
Our flag has a history that yours doesn’t, burn it in protest and you will go to jail. You may fly your own flag on your National Day but at no other time. Remember if you have a British passport your flag is the Union Flag.
Your British passport belongs to the Government. It can and will be taken away as easily as it is given.
You have been granted a visa to stay in this country. That is for you and your wife and children, it is not an open door for all of your relatives and friends. If you are found aiding an illegal immigrant you will be deported along with them.
If you are not yet married then remember that when you do get married your wife does not automatically get to stay here.
Now don’t think because you are here that you can forget why you came. There is a better life to be had here. Respect our country and all will be available to you. If you commit a crime against our laws you will go to jail and then be deported. You will never return.
We are a monogamous society. We are allowed only one wife at a time. If you marry another before you divorce the first you will go to jail and then be deported you will never return.
Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
That includes your wife and daughters. Your wife is free to come and go as any other citizen. If she chooses not to wear your hijab or burqa there is no law to make her. You came here for freedom that is part of the freedom. She is not in anyway inferior to you and has equal status under the law. If however she chooses to wear the hijab or burqa she will not be allowed to enter any store/bank with her face covered. It is not acceptable. Communication relies on visual as well as audio senses. You will have to take a driving test before you can drive a car on our roads. Yes I know you have a driving license from your country that does not prove that you can drive to the safe standard expected here. The test will be conducted in English and you can fail if you don’t understand.
Your wife can drive a car if she has a license and passes the requisite test. For this she will need to have he photograph taken for the license. She will abide by the rules of our country and be photographed full face. If she feels she cannot do this that is her choice but she will not be allowed to drive. Yes we know it's your way back home but not here. Please feel free to return home if you cannot grasp the principle of freedom that we offer.
Holding a female member of your family prisoner because you don't want her to have the same choices and freedoms as you is against the law you will go to jail and then be deported. You will never return. You are welcome to practice your religion in any reasonable way you see fit but remember that this is a Christian country, our Queen is the head of the Church of England and you will not change that.
Yes the church bells will ring across the country every Sunday morning. Your call to prayer will be allowed, but only on the days there are Anglican Church ringing bells in Mecca. We have our own culture, but aspects of your culture are accepted here. Do not bring your tribal violence to our shores or you will be deported. You will never return.
No one is allowed to own a gun of any kind, if you are found with one you will go to jail then be deported never to return.
Remember the laws we have are the result of hundreds of years of struggle, you are expected to live by those laws. If you do not feel that you can do that you are most welcome to exercise you freedom to leave now.
In essence this is a free country. Every many woman and child has freedoms that you have only dreamt of up to now, accept this here and now or leave.
Your children will marry who they choose. You will not force them to marry someone because they are the right people and acceptable to you. You may offer an opinion on who she chooses but the final choice is hers.
We do not practice female mutilation here. If you do this you will go to jail. If you take your daughter out of the country to do this you will go to jail. Butchery of the person is not acceptable in a civilized society. If you think that it is acceptable then you may leave now and never return.
I am giving this talk to you in English because that is our language. You will learn English to a competent standard. We will help you with language problems to start with but within two years you will no longer be allowed an interpreter. If you can't ask for it in English then you don't get it.
We hope you enjoy living in OUR country, but please never forget it is OUR country!
If you wish to live under Islamic Laws there are plenty of countries where you can go and do that. If you seek to do that here, you will be deported and never return.
Excuse me but...... If only it was this simple.